With the Disney-fication of Times Square, the closing of the city’s numerous sex shops and the lower presence of prostitution, it was only a matter of time before safe sex became the agenda du jour of City Hall. While the rest of the country struggles with the idiocy of abstinence-only education, Mayor Bloomberg will soon unveil New York City condoms wrapped in the colors of the New York City subway lines, says The Post.
The condoms, produced by LifeStyles, will be wrapped in colored foil corresponding to one of the MTA’s distinct subway lines. “The condom packets will be modeled after the New York City subway system. Every foil will have a color,” said Carol Carozza, spokeswoman for Ansell, LifeStyle’s parent company, told The Post.
Now, while promoting safe sex is a noble venture, especially in the city that leads the nation in AIDS cases, I have to wonder just how closely tied in to the subway lines this promotion will be. And so I bring to you condom styles based on the subway lines.
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The G Condom Condoms wrapped in the familiar lime green of the ever-unreliable G train are for the man in your life who takes a while. Generally, you have to wait a long time for the train to come, and when it does, it’s usually a short one. |
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The 6 Condom As the 6 was once again rated the best subway line in the city, by the Straphangers Campaign, the 6 condoms, wrapped in vibrant green, are for great sex. Ribbed for her pleasure, perhaps? |
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The 7 Condom Ah, the 7 train. In the immortal words of John Rocker, it’s home to “some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids.” But it’s also the dirtiest train in the city with just 55 percent of the cars passing the Straphangers’ cleanliness test. But 89 percent of the time, the 7 is on time. So I guess this one’s quick and dirty. |
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The Shuttle This one just goes back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. |
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The M Condom A lovely shade of brown, the M train condoms will mirror the Nassau Street Local. It doesn’t come to frequently; it’s pretty empty; and it breaks down a lot. Maybe it needs some Viagra? |
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The 1 Condom And last but not least, we get the 7th Ave. Local. It keeps itself clean with frequent, on-time service, but it’s tough to find a seat. It also stops everywhere. So this is the condom for the man with less-than-discriminating taste and an unsatiated appetite for sex. |
Yes, the K train was a real subway line in New York. It ran on various routes in the city, most recently as the 8th Ave. Local. The last K train rode off into the sunset on December 10, 1988. Read more at Wikipedia.
28 comments
Very funny. Beats reading about a natural gas leak (no pun intended).
Who thinks of this kind of stuff, doing a subway condom promotion?? Bizarre. Very punny, Ben.
What about the R line?
Having been fucked repeatedly by the G Train during my tenure as a Bed-Stuy resident, I wish that I’d had access to your special brand of condom back then. Might have saved me some heartache. Or at least a metaphorical sore ass.
“The L Train … for the man who when performing, performs quite well, but has a tendency to have low lebido during weekends.”
I love New York.
(It makes feel so … dirty!)
“…. forgot to include late nights”
No Roosevelt Island Tramway condom? Of course it would probably just break while in use and then not be available for 5 months.
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sis s funny. Kudos.
This particular K Train hasn’t seen much shunting around the station recently…
Very funny.
Lol =O
Hehehe, that brown condom, wouldn’t someone mistake it for a poopy? 😛 lol
wow lol
Thank you for the morning laugh and New York nostalgia (I left my home for CA 20 years ago). The next step, I think, would be distributing these things ON the subways–perhaps in the middle of the night?
What will these people come up with next?? Unbelieveable, maybe next they will have condoms with the landmarks like the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building!
oh how I love these clever remarks…
comparing condoms with subways? pure genius…
eventhough what would they taste like and what about the various tunnel systems??
[…] Condoms a la NYC SubwaysSource: […]
Well hey, AIDS haven’t disappeared, and this is a good way for promoting safe sex. You just don’t want people exploiting it and throwing them around.
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Nicely done 😛
This is so bizarre.
[…] January 10, 2007 Filed under: Uncategorized — lisanadine @ 4:48 am Funny blog on NYC’s efforts to promote safe sex via condoms packaged in the colors of various subway […]
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I loved reading this!
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