Home MTA Absurdity Condoms a la NYC Subways

Condoms a la NYC Subways

by Benjamin Kabak

With the Disney-fication of Times Square, the closing of the city’s numerous sex shops and the lower presence of prostitution, it was only a matter of time before safe sex became the agenda du jour of City Hall. While the rest of the country struggles with the idiocy of abstinence-only education, Mayor Bloomberg will soon unveil New York City condoms wrapped in the colors of the New York City subway lines, says The Post.

The condoms, produced by LifeStyles, will be wrapped in colored foil corresponding to one of the MTA’s distinct subway lines. “The condom packets will be modeled after the New York City subway system. Every foil will have a color,” said Carol Carozza, spokeswoman for Ansell, LifeStyle’s parent company, told The Post.

Now, while promoting safe sex is a noble venture, especially in the city that leads the nation in AIDS cases, I have to wonder just how closely tied in to the subway lines this promotion will be. And so I bring to you condom styles based on the subway lines.

The G Condom Condoms wrapped in the familiar lime green of the ever-unreliable G train are for the man in your life who takes a while. Generally, you have to wait a long time for the train to come, and when it does, it’s usually a short one.
The 6 Condom As the 6 was once again rated the best subway line in the city, by the Straphangers Campaign, the 6 condoms, wrapped in vibrant green, are for great sex. Ribbed for her pleasure, perhaps?
The 7 Condom Ah, the 7 train. In the immortal words of John Rocker, it’s home to “some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids.” But it’s also the dirtiest train in the city with just 55 percent of the cars passing the Straphangers’ cleanliness test. But 89 percent of the time, the 7 is on time. So I guess this one’s quick and dirty.
The Shuttle This one just goes back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.
The M Condom A lovely shade of brown, the M train condoms will mirror the Nassau Street Local. It doesn’t come to frequently; it’s pretty empty; and it breaks down a lot. Maybe it needs some Viagra?
The 1 Condom And last but not least, we get the 7th Ave. Local. It keeps itself clean with frequent, on-time service, but it’s tough to find a seat. It also stops everywhere. So this is the condom for the man with less-than-discriminating taste and an unsatiated appetite for sex.

Yes, the K train was a real subway line in New York. It ran on various routes in the city, most recently as the 8th Ave. Local. The last K train rode off into the sunset on December 10, 1988. Read more at Wikipedia.

You may also like

28 comments

Marsha January 8, 2007 - 12:49 pm

Very funny. Beats reading about a natural gas leak (no pun intended).

Reply
Victoria January 8, 2007 - 2:53 pm

Who thinks of this kind of stuff, doing a subway condom promotion?? Bizarre. Very punny, Ben.

Reply
Sean January 8, 2007 - 5:01 pm

What about the R line?

Reply
Clinton January 8, 2007 - 5:01 pm

Having been fucked repeatedly by the G Train during my tenure as a Bed-Stuy resident, I wish that I’d had access to your special brand of condom back then. Might have saved me some heartache. Or at least a metaphorical sore ass.

Reply
Unbathed Hipster January 8, 2007 - 5:22 pm

“The L Train … for the man who when performing, performs quite well, but has a tendency to have low lebido during weekends.”

Reply
Joshua S. Rubenstein January 8, 2007 - 6:11 pm

I love New York.

(It makes feel so … dirty!)

Reply
Unbathed Hipster January 8, 2007 - 6:18 pm

“…. forgot to include late nights”

Reply
midwesternerinnyc January 8, 2007 - 6:37 pm

No Roosevelt Island Tramway condom? Of course it would probably just break while in use and then not be available for 5 months.

Reply
Condoms a la NYC Subways « Second Ave. Sagas « The people January 9, 2007 - 1:58 am

[…] a la NYC Subways « Second Ave. Sagas Condoms a la NYC Subways « Second Ave. Sagas is, at one level, a funny and clever post. On another level though, I find it thought provoking. […]

Reply
Richmond January 9, 2007 - 3:10 am

sis s funny. Kudos.

Reply
Kinky Ink Tattoos January 9, 2007 - 3:25 am

This particular K Train hasn’t seen much shunting around the station recently…

Reply
dontbother January 9, 2007 - 3:29 am

Very funny.

Reply
plubius January 9, 2007 - 4:40 am

Lol =O

Reply
flickrhoneys January 9, 2007 - 5:47 am

Hehehe, that brown condom, wouldn’t someone mistake it for a poopy? 😛 lol

Reply
lauren January 9, 2007 - 9:28 am

wow lol

Reply
marcys January 9, 2007 - 10:39 am

Thank you for the morning laugh and New York nostalgia (I left my home for CA 20 years ago). The next step, I think, would be distributing these things ON the subways–perhaps in the middle of the night?

Reply
truckerswife January 9, 2007 - 2:00 pm

What will these people come up with next?? Unbelieveable, maybe next they will have condoms with the landmarks like the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building!

Reply
redjoker January 9, 2007 - 2:26 pm

oh how I love these clever remarks…
comparing condoms with subways? pure genius…
eventhough what would they taste like and what about the various tunnel systems??

Reply
Totally Choice » Screw Abstinence - I’m riding the NYC subway! January 9, 2007 - 4:46 pm

[…] Condoms a la NYC SubwaysSource: […]

Reply
Wengistein January 9, 2007 - 5:03 pm

Well hey, AIDS haven’t disappeared, and this is a good way for promoting safe sex. You just don’t want people exploiting it and throwing them around.

Reply
no matter what they tell you….deb’s always gr8r…. Trains « January 9, 2007 - 5:09 pm

[…] if I’m positive that had they named them the way this witty man described in his blog, I would’ve never lost my way.  And just in case we ever do get a decent transportation […]

Reply
Misty January 9, 2007 - 5:17 pm

Nicely done 😛

Reply
Alex E. Sidoro January 9, 2007 - 9:10 pm

This is so bizarre.

Reply
Heh heh « Snew January 9, 2007 - 11:48 pm

[…] January 10, 2007 Filed under: Uncategorized — lisanadine @ 4:48 am Funny blog on NYC’s efforts to promote safe sex via condoms packaged in the colors of various subway […]

Reply
MetroCard payments getting EZ-er « Second Ave. Sagas January 10, 2007 - 11:53 am

[…] About « Condoms a la NYC Subways […]

Reply
MIke February 28, 2007 - 10:14 am

I loved reading this!

Reply
Second Ave. Sagas | Blogging the NYC Subways » Blog Archive » City condoms no longer subway-themed February 14, 2008 - 12:03 pm

[…] spot for the New York City condoms. One of my first posts back in January of 2007 tied together subway lines with themed condoms and helped propel me to Internet stardom. It is with a heavy heart that I pots the news then that […]

Reply
The Trainjotting Interview: SecondAvenueSagas » trainjotting.com July 1, 2008 - 10:54 am

[…] of your posts seemed to be the biggest hit with readers?SAS: People loved an early post I wrote on the subway-themed condoms the city gave out for free. They also enjoy a few of the quirky ones I’ve written about the […]

Reply

Leave a Comment

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More

Privacy & Cookies Policy