With the Disney-fication of Times Square, the closing of the city’s numerous sex shops and the lower presence of prostitution, it was only a matter of time before safe sex became the agenda du jour of City Hall. While the rest of the country struggles with the idiocy of abstinence-only education, Mayor Bloomberg will soon unveil New York City condoms wrapped in the colors of the New York City subway lines, says The Post.
The condoms, produced by LifeStyles, will be wrapped in colored foil corresponding to one of the MTA’s distinct subway lines. “The condom packets will be modeled after the New York City subway system. Every foil will have a color,” said Carol Carozza, spokeswoman for Ansell, LifeStyle’s parent company, told The Post.
Now, while promoting safe sex is a noble venture, especially in the city that leads the nation in AIDS cases, I have to wonder just how closely tied in to the subway lines this promotion will be. And so I bring to you condom styles based on the subway lines.
|The G Condom Condoms wrapped in the familiar lime green of the ever-unreliable G train are for the man in your life who takes a while. Generally, you have to wait a long time for the train to come, and when it does, it’s usually a short one.|
|The 6 Condom As the 6 was once again rated the best subway line in the city, by the Straphangers Campaign, the 6 condoms, wrapped in vibrant green, are for great sex. Ribbed for her pleasure, perhaps?|
|The 7 Condom Ah, the 7 train. In the immortal words of John Rocker, it’s home to “some kid with purple hair next to some queer with AIDS right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids.” But it’s also the dirtiest train in the city with just 55 percent of the cars passing the Straphangers’ cleanliness test. But 89 percent of the time, the 7 is on time. So I guess this one’s quick and dirty.|
|The Shuttle This one just goes back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.|
|The M Condom A lovely shade of brown, the M train condoms will mirror the Nassau Street Local. It doesn’t come to frequently; it’s pretty empty; and it breaks down a lot. Maybe it needs some Viagra?|
|The 1 Condom And last but not least, we get the 7th Ave. Local. It keeps itself clean with frequent, on-time service, but it’s tough to find a seat. It also stops everywhere. So this is the condom for the man with less-than-discriminating taste and an unsatiated appetite for sex.|
Yes, the K train was a real subway line in New York. It ran on various routes in the city, most recently as the 8th Ave. Local. The last K train rode off into the sunset on December 10, 1988. Read more at Wikipedia.